The Test to Decide Your Fate

Here are today’s Wonderful Words:

On the bus ride down to St. Paul to take the test that will help determine who will get ahead in life, who will stay put, and who will fall behind, a few of my closest buddies seal their fates by opening pint bottles of cherry schnapps the moment we leave the high-school parking lot.

Lost in the Meritocracy, Walter Kirn, page 1

Background

This is the first sentence of Kirn’s memoir about his experiences in the education system—a system “where the point is simply to keep accumulating points and never to look back—or within.”

What makes it wonderful?

For starters, it’s the very first sentence of the book, and it’s already grabbed us by the ears and pulled us in for more. There are plenty of appropriate activities to engage in while riding the bus to take the SAT. Cracking a bottle of schnapps is not one of them. As the reader, we want to know what happens next.

Also, maybe I was one of the bad kids, but I think everyone has a stupid high school drinking story. With his first sentence, Kirn piques our curiosity and tempts us to read on to see how this story compares to our own. When I read this sentence, I can actually smell the bus seats and feel a little twist in my stomach telling me this is a bad idea.

Let's get technical

From a technical standpoint, Kirn uses allusion brilliantly. Allusion is an expression designed to call something to mind without mentioning it explicitly. Kirn refers to, “the test that will help determine who will get ahead in life, who will stay put, and who will fall behind.”

We all know he’s talking about the SAT, but how boring would it be if instead the sentence said, “On the bus ride down to St. Paul to take the SAT…”

Meh. I might stop reading.

The allusion calls the SAT to mind, but it also makes us think about the test as a gatekeeper. It adds another dimension to the sentence and therefore holds our interest.

How can we make our own writing more interesting? We can start with allusions—saying what we mean without actually saying the words. Also, it doesn’t hurt to be relatable.

Happy writing, 

Joe